Some complex feelings

It's been a year to be a postdoc since last July.
I am not sure if this is good thing or not, since I have seen so many postdocs getting stocked in this position for a long time.

But the good thing is that I gradually feel somethings changed in my mind or attitude.

After being a postdoc for a year, I gradually noticed the independence of research.
And feel much passionate than ever on specific research topics.
Many flash, fun ideas keep running into my mind even though these may not be an impact on science.
I am lucky to stay at Northwestern University and use these state-of-art equipment.
And does enjoy to find coworkers to solve scientific problems.

Dr. Fivos, who is my former PI at Caltech, help me composing the reference letter for some awards.
He uses the "self-motivated" word to describe my personality.
One always know the passionate and curiosity could lead a person conquer the fear of unknown.

Somehow, I feel awkward to accept this description, since I got the poor scores when I am a junior high and senior high school student on scientific-related subjects.
It really make me no confidence.
Even though my PHD advisor uses the same word to introduce me to some Big People in metallurgy community.

The only way to keep myself in this road is keep this dreams and wait for the opportunity.
Sound easy, but hard to do.
But I found this is the truth.